That’s My Story, And I’m Sticking To It
Being a Boss Wife does not mean having it all together and running things. It’s a choice to handle whatever comes your way like a boss, fighting for your marriage daily and putting a hit out in prayer when necessary.
Whew! Where do I begin? …At the beginning I suppose.
Robert and I met in 2007, at church! We didn’t exactly hit it off right away. He was nice, but I was skeptical. I told God earlier that year that I was ready to meet my husband and was determined to say yes to whoever asked me out, even if I didn’t think they were my type. He thought I was a bourgeoise, super religious Christian, and I thought he was a super shy guy who would have no chance at taming this wild thing based on our first few awkward exchanges. Boy was I wrong! He’s the kind of man who loves and respects my spiciness, but leads in a way that makes me want to give him some “act right”.
We dated almost a year and half before we were engaged. During that time, we were always together. We got to know so much about each other. He’s from the North, I from the South. He puts hot sauce on everything, I need Prilosec every day. He’s lived all over the world as an army brat, I’ve never left North Carolina. He wakes up early, I’d sleep til ten every day if I could. His idea of a vacation is to get up, get out and don’t miss a minute. Again, I’d rather sleep in and sip something fruity by the ocean. When we have an argument, he needs time alone, I’m ready to fight it out and get it over with. However, we learned we were both from broken homes, having both mommy issues and daddy issues. We were both raised as Christians and wanted to continue in that legacy. We both valued hard work and enjoying the fruits of your labor. We love to have fun and entertain our friends. We love family. We love sex. We want to build a future for our children.
The Moment I Knew He Was The One
It was just a regular day on the couch at my apartment, and we were talking about childhood and things we wanted to do differently from our parents. I had a secret to share, and I was terrified. I just let it out – I was molested as a child. I broke down crying just knowing he would see me as damaged goods and head for the door. Instead, Robert took my hand and said he was going to pray for me and agree that generational curses be broken off of both our families. You know I was balling by this point! But I knew at that moment, he was my guy, no matter what.
We decided at the beginning of 2009 that we would get married. We went to the pastor, very excited, to announce that we were ready for marriage counseling. She looked at my ringless finger and said you’re not ready until you get a ring. I was devastated and indignant. Why did the ring matter? We knew we were going to get married! Her point was that if Robert was going to marry me, be my protector, and leader of our lives, he needed to prove it beyond just words. I went on the internet and chose a couple of cheap rings to send to him. Valentine’s Day passed, and I was thinking he’d surely have asked me by now. I was getting worried. In late February 2009, he took me out to fancy place and the ring was delivered on my dessert plate. Of course, I said yes! 11 years later, my hardware has a serious upgrade.
When All We Had Was Love
I’ll tell you now that we probably spent $500 on our wedding. My mom bought my dress and did all the decorations. Robert had enough groomsman to get his tux rental for free. I designed the invitations and passed as many out as I could by hand. The reception food was from Costco and the cake was from Walmart. We didn’t have much starting out. Two apartments full of furniture pieced together with what was passed down to us. My salary was about a third of what it is today. But we had love! There was plenty of trial and error, fighting and disappointment about how we would run our household. After 11 years, the kinks are still being worked out. But the key is, we want to stay together and work it out.
Over the years, we’ve learned how to communicate honestly with each other no matter the subject. That means finding the right time and place, being truthful even if it hurts, and respecting each other’s point of view. We’ve been through counseling together. And Lord knows we’ve seen our share of hard topics from who’s up in the DMs, to how many Amazon packages you got coming, to where have you been all day, to how much money you’re spending, to what are you hiding from me, to stop pulling the covers off me, to who was supposed to pay the light bill, to you’re not listening to me, to can you put your phone down for one minute, to why did you lie to me, to you messed up my new car, to you embarrassed me in front of my friends. You name it! And we still fight sometimes. Nobody’s got it all together.
Where are We Going
Robert always has a new milestone for us to attain, and I am usually cautious about making big moves. After 2 years of marriage, he wanted to get a house. I didn’t think we could afford it, and let’s not even talk about my credit at the time. Six months later, we were homeowners. I had job I loved, but Robert saw my potential to earn more. I had a hard time with the decision because the job was kind of like the family business. I didn’t want to disappoint the family. After ten years at my first job, I left and almost doubled my salary. A few years ago, my supervisor suggested I get a master’s degree to go along with my talents. Again, I was cautious. Could I even get accepted? My college GPA was less that desirable (and I mean less than 2.5). Again, I wondered how would I afford it. Robert encouraged me to apply and not worry. Last year, I earned my master’s in adult education. I got an idea to start a blog this year. Robert fully supported me telling all our business lol. It has not always been easy, but God is good to us.
Next on our list is parenthood. We’ve been trying to get pregnant since 2015. If I had a dollar for every negative pregnancy test… It’s been hard waiting, watching God come through on so many other things for us, but not this. Not yet, that is. We’ve gone through the tests, the treatments, the monitoring, all to no avail. We’ve even had a failed IVF cycle that threatened to tear this whole thing apart. But we have not given up hope. We fought together through the anger and depression of it all. We held each other through the rough moments of hearing another person in our circle is pregnant. We rolled our eyes together when someone asks if we’ve considered adoption for the 500th time. Of course we have! Meanwhile, we keep having fun trying.
This is just a piece of my story on this Boss Wife journey. Until we have to slow down, we’ll keep traveling the world together, loving together, starting businesses together, building wealth together. Come what may, we will be together, and that’s my favorite place to be.